i wish starbucks made bloody marys
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
