I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
