just tell him i said nine months
The beer is more important than you right now.
cat food counts as protein by the way
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
