I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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