Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
