I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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