Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
