Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
