I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
