so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
your like the ambassador to my penis.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
