I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
