I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
