we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
