the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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