Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
NoShamevember. You game?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
