Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
