I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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