my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
