Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
