This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
