My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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