Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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