fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
