I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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