i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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