i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
So vagazzling was a success
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
