the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
