Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize