i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
