lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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