is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
