My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
