It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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