Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
