They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
