uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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