i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
