Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
