I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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