He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
You are a genius and a whore.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize