I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
