i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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