I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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