Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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