I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
