i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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