i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
