I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
