i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
