toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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