coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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