If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He? As in you personified your dick?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize