well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
