Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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