just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
