I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
