I'm so fucking centered right now
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
