dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
NoShamevember. You game?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
