i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
