She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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