i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
