That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
