Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
