The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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